Random Leaf #847 precisely cut

How can you—

how can you tell me to shut up?

How can you just tell me

to take it all in?

I’m—

I’m someone too.

Not just a son of my mother,

not just a sheltered child of my father.

I’m—

Don’t I have a say?

I can think.

I can speak.

I’m—

I’m…

Who am I anyway?

They never let me speak—

they never listened.

All they want to hear from me is:

Yes, sir.

Yes, ma’am.

That’s all.

That’s all they—

That’s all they think of me.

But—

No!

That’s not all of it.

I can think for myself.

I can do things too.

But—

I think I’m not yet…

I’m not yet ready.

I want to—

I want to hear my own voice too.

I don’t want to be mad.

I don’t like being angry.

But—

that’s all I ever learned from them.

Sure, there’s wisdom

in their small talks

and sermons after ultimatums—

but I was told to be silent.

And this silence

was always born of rage—

their rage

at me.

I never really did grow up.

I’m never ready.

I don’t—

I don’t think

I’m cut out for this.

I’m just—

I’m really just

a failure.