Thursday, October 17, 2024

Random Leaf #1625

"You're going to die soon."

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

"No remarks for it?"

"None, I guess. Right now, I'm just trying to absorb everything that happened."

"..."

"..."

"You're seriously not going to say anything when, you know, death is coming for you."

"What more can I say? I wish I could write more and tell more people about silly tales and witty stories. I wish could talk to more people. I wish I could've written on more leaves. I wish of a lot of things but if this is it. Then this is it."

"..."

"..."

"You aren't afraid, are you?"

"How can I not? I don't know what's beyond life  No one really knows. Will I go to hell for many sins I've done? Will I even get a chance to speak with The One who made us? Will I be forgiven and be let in paradise? What's paradise like? I hope it isn't boring in there. Will I be reincarnated, just like the many characters I've read and watched? I wonder what the world will be like in another world? Or would I be reborn in a different time? I wonder if I could keep a bit or all the memories I have in this life. I wonder if there's magic there. I wonder how things would be in that other world. Or will things just be like how our old or broken eletronic is, things will just go blank or fade to black? I don't know. Will death be like the reaper as portrayed in fictions or will he be something else? Is it even a he? Maybe she's a woman. I wonder if I could woo her. So on and so on. Bottom line, I am not unafraid. You know me, my good friend, I get scared easily, I don't like creepy stuffs. And with death coming for me. How can I not be fearful?"

"You don't seem to be afraid."

"Don't I?"

"You seem calm about it."

"I don't know. Must be my ADHD kicking in?"

"You're going to hide behind you're.. mental.. ill-"

"Trait, it's a trait. Not an illness."

"Okay, okay, so how can you look calm?"

"With acceptance, I guess? I don't know. If I don't act calm, I might act anxious, nervous, hysteric. This is a mental illness that easily spread and I don't want that. Does that satisfy your question about me being calm."

"..."

"..."

".. Yes."

"..."

"Does it hurt?"

"It does but years of experience let me endure this bits of pain. What's like thirty, twenty, ten years of being hurt can compare to but a fleeting moment of struggle? It hurts but not as much."

"..."

"..."

"People will cry for you."

"..."

"Not going to say anything about that?"

"Not that I'm not going to say anything but I can't. This one time, I know I will hurt them, I hope they could forgive me but.. I don't know. I don't know how to say clearly how I regretful and sorry I should be to them."

"..."

"If I could then, for each and everyone of them that I'll hurt, I wish I could apologize to them after."

"Why not now?"

"I haven't died yet."

"So why not now?"

"Truth be told, I don't know what to say, except to ask for an apology. That's it, nothing more."

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